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It’s not that we’re not afraid. I think we all feel that tangible presence; an invitation to hold hands with fear. We can see it crouching at the door and yet, in spite of all the reasons we want to believe it, when it tells us we should turn around and run. We choose to step out anyway, because bravery isn’t the absence of fear, it’s feeling the fear and doing it anyway. And thanks to the bravery of Tyler Perry, we are making history.

Amidst a pandemic and civil rights movement, a bunch of grownups have the privilege to be brave together. In the midst of so much turmoil, so much unrest, we are among the first fully operating productions in the world to return to our love of make-believe. And that is something to be celebrated and thankful for.

One of the areas of growth I’ve been intentional about during this season has been asking myself the question: “Am I moving from a place of faith or fear?” While fear can be useful, it can also masquerade as false wisdom, in that if we focus more on what we don’t know and cannot control, rather than what we do know and can control, we can inadvertently allow our fear to take the front seat. So despite all the reasons I know I “could” be afraid, moving from a place of faith gives me peace in choosing not to be.

In the months preparing to go back to work, Tyler Perry and his team did just that. They moved with wisdom and faith; and were extremely regimented in their approach. Prior to flying us via private jet to Atlanta, we were scheduled for multiple tests in our respective cities, along with Zoom trainings and extensive conversations on how to prepare and what to expect at our time on the studio lot, or what we now affectionately call “camp quarantine.” Though we all made sure to take every precaution in the weeks leading up to filming in order to ensure that we remained COVID free, there were many of us who felt called to action and made the choice to lift our voices in peaceful and historic protest regarding the ongoing police brutality and systemic racial injustice taking place in our nation's streets. I know I can speak for just about all of us who were involved when I tell you that every time I had to wait for a test result to come back, though I knew the fight was worth it, it was also a completely nerve-racking experience. You know that you are taking an educated risk every time you step out that door, and if you do test positive, that result has an effect on the rest of the team, because in order for this plan to work, we all had to remain healthy. Thankfully, I’m happy to report that as I write this essay from my front porch on the lot at Tyler Perry Studios, our entire cast is healthy and accounted for.

As I packed my things and grabbed my mask, preparing to board a plane and travel all the way to Atlanta from Los Angeles, I felt more safe than I did preparing to go for a run at my local grocery store. Because despite all the very real dangers of COVID-19, I knew I was on my way to the safest environment I could possibly be in. And that gave me the freedom to be excited.

Arriving on location at Tyler Perry Studios was an experience I'll not soon forget. On the outside, it looked as if we were walking into a “Hazmat Disneyland.” Lines here, lines, there, people in white suits with masks and helmets and face shields everywhere you look. And though the picture what jarring, I was amazed at the efficiency, the attention to detail and all of the lengths that Tyler and his team went in order to create a safe haven for us.

After being tested, we were whisked away to our rooms in one of the centuries’ old historic confederate homes located on the property. With two actors assigned per house, we waited in self quarantine until the next morning when all talent and staff received the “all clear.” While in isolation, Tyler and his staff truly took every effort to ensure we were comfortable. In order to communicate efficiently, we were grouped into a camp quarantine text communication system that sent us all updates, including menus to order our food for each meal, which would be delivered by one of the tremendously gracious staff outfitted in full hazmat gear, in order to ensure there was no exposure to us or themselves as we all awaited results.

Upon receiving the “all clear,” we were free to move about the campus (with masks of course) and to make our stay at camp quarantine as exciting as possible. We were graced with an array of entertainment and activities, from yoga, bootcamp and movies on the lawn, to golf carts for cruising and live streamed Sunday church.

I admit, coming into camp quarantine, I wasn’t sure what to expect living in such close quarters with all of our cast and crew. But after nearly three weeks in this little COVID-free bubble, I have to say, there is something truly magical about this place. And the history of it all, coupled with the unique circumstances were are facing right now in our world, truly did bring us together like nothing I’ve experienced before.

Filming is such an intimate process. Not only between actors in scenes, but with hair, makeup, production — you really become a family. So to have to do that at a distance, behind masks and face shields and suits, was something I was a little sad about, to be honest. But in the end, navigating this unprecedented time actually proved to be an ingredient that brought us all closer together.

This is truly a groundbreaking and pioneering thing that we’re doing in so many ways. There are a lot of emotions involved, we’re all human, and there’s no way the excitement and gratitude of getting to work can turn down the volume on how seriously this virus and movement for racial justice has impacted us all on an emotional and spiritual level.

But I think connecting with each other in an even more vulnerable and intimate way was key. As actors, we’re fortunate to have the opportunity to channel all of that, to be able to use our emotions and experiences, as fuel for the characters we play. Though there have been many emotional ups and downs, I can truly say that through this experience I’m coming to know not only myself and my castmates, but even the character of Ellie in a deeper way. My hope is that we emerge from this time not only as more gracious humans, but taking with us memories and bonds that we’ll look back on for years to come.

Natasha Ward

Writing since February 2022 · 1 story contributed